When it comes to choosing a life partner, love and attraction often take centre stage. But beyond the butterflies and chemistry, thereโs a crucial aspect many overlook until itโs too late: the company your partner keeps. Yes, before you say โyesโ to dating someone or envision a future together, take a moment to examine their circle of friends and external influences.
You might wonder, Why is this so important? Let me explain.
Relationships Are Never Just About Two People
While your relationship may seem like itโs just between you and your partner, the reality is that external influences often shape the decisions, behaviours, and attitudes of the people we love. When challenges arise, and they always will, the voices in your partnerโs ear play a significant role in how those situations are handled.
Every man has his circle of friends, and every woman has hers. Now, imagine youโre dating someone whose friends normalise destructive behaviours like cheating, lying, or disrespect. If your partnerโs closest companions are โruns boysโ or โruns girlsโ (people who engage in exploitative or immoral relationships), itโs likely that your partner will not see anything wrong with those behaviours. After all, thatโs whatโs acceptable in their dominant circle of influence.
Influence Is Powerful
The people we spend the most time with influence how we think, act, and respond to life. Consider this:
- Some decisions affecting your relationship may first be discussed with your partnerโs friends before youโre even aware of them.
- Anyone who has your partnerโs ear also influences their heart.
- Even the strongest relationship is vulnerable if the external voices encouraging negativity are louder than the voices promoting respect and commitment.
For example, imagine your partnerโs friends consistently criticising them for maintaining peace in your relationship. They may hear statements like โIf na me, I no go greeโ , โYou just let that slide? You weak oh!โ just to mention a few. Over time, such comments can erode the foundation of trust and respect in your relationship.
Red Flags to Watch Out For
When things get tough, and they will, the advice your partner receives will likely reflect the values of their inner circle. If their friends prioritise loyalty, honesty, and respect, your relationship will thrive. But if they glorify toxic behaviours, your relationship is at risk of unravelling.
So, before you commit, take a long, hard look at their friendships. Are these the kind of people youโd want influencing your partnerโs decisions? Here are some warning signs to look for in your partnerโs circle:
- Friends who normalise cheating: These are the people who might call you โour wifeโ while secretly encouraging your partner to cheat.
- Friends who promote materialism over values: They may be connecting your partner with dubious sources of income, such as fraud, prostitution, and the like.
- Friends who undermine peace: They mock your partner for being considerate or peaceful, framing kindness as a weakness.
- Friends who fuel conflict: They fan the flames during disagreements instead of offering wise counsel.
Practical Steps to Protect Your Relationship
- Observe their circle: Pay attention to your partnerโs closest friends and the values they uphold.
- Ask intentional questions: Find out what draws your partner to their friends. Is it shared values or convenience?
- Discuss boundaries: Talk openly about how external influences impact your relationship.
- Set standards for growth: Encourage your partner to build relationships with people who inspire and challenge them positively.
Final Thoughts
No matter how deeply you love someone, if theyโre surrounded by negative influences, your relationship is likely to suffer. The quality of the counsel they receive in times of crisis often determines the outcome of those situations.
So, my dear, use wisdom. Donโt ignore the company your partner keeps. As the saying goes, โShow me your friends, and Iโll show you your future.โ If their friends donโt align with the kind of relationship youโre striving for, itโs worth rethinking your commitment.
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