Are you currently in a relationship but surrounded by a lot of “besties” and exes who have somehow become your besties, too? Grab a chair, take out your notebook, and draw closer – I have something important to share with you.
A few years ago, a brother reached out to me, troubled by the fact that his fiancée didn’t trust him. She felt insecure around his female besties. When he confided in me, he expected me to take his side and assure him that his fiancée was overreacting. Instead, he was shocked when I rebuked him for creating the very environment that caused her insecurity.
Let me be crystal clear: you cannot maintain a bestie of the opposite sex when you’re in a serious relationship. Any bestie who doesn’t respect boundaries the moment you start dating is a red flag, and they should be treated as such.
This brother took my advice. He set boundaries with his female friends, redefined his priorities, and resolved the conflict with his fiancée. Today, their relationship is thriving.
The Dangers of Ignored Boundaries
I’ve observed how many young people enter promising relationships only for a bestie or an ex to linger in the background, competing for attention like an unwanted familiar spirit. When their partner expresses concern, they’re quick to label them “insecure.” But let’s be honest: this so-called insecurity often stems from a lack of clearly defined boundaries.
Personally, I don’t believe you can remain best friends with an ex, especially if intimacy was part of your past relationship. Once you commit to a new relationship, it’s crucial to draw clear lines with exes and besties. Keeping these ties intact while expecting your partner to be comfortable with them is unfair and, frankly, a recipe for disaster.
Jealousy and distrust are natural emotions that surface when inappropriate closeness with exes or besties goes unchecked. No partner who genuinely loves you will feel okay with exes or overly close besties hanging around. We’re not oblivious to the potential harm they can cause to a relationship or marriage. Respect your partner enough to establish and enforce firm boundaries, especially if any history of physical or emotional intimacy is involved.
Why Boundaries Matter
Many promising relationships have been derailed by the presence of exes and besties who subtly sow seeds of discord. If you value your relationship and want it to flourish, keeping these individuals at a healthy distance is essential. If you can’t find a best friend in your partner, then why are you in the relationship in the first place?
Your partner should be your confidant, your go-to, and your best friend. If someone else occupies that role, it’s worth reflecting on your priorities. Let’s be real: relationships require intentionality and effort. Protecting your relationship from unnecessary external influences is one way to show your commitment and love.
Final Thoughts
Relationships thrive on trust, respect, and clear boundaries. If you’re serious about your partner, let your actions reflect it. Avoid sabotaging your relationship by holding on to connections that can create tension or mistrust.
After all, love is about prioritising your partner’s feelings and building a future together, free from unnecessary distractions. Choose wisely, act intentionally, and protect what matters most.
I have captured in details the dangers of having besties of the opposite sex in my book. You may want to read further here.
Leave a Reply